Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I'm twenty-three. Now what?

I turned twenty-three this year.
It's a silly thought to think I am now "old", or to think that things get "real" now. It's a silly thought, because we all know it's not true.
But it felt that way. It really did feel that way.

Age.
Growing up.
Time.
We're constantly trying to run against the tide.
We're constantly trying to hide from the unchanging that still find a way to change us, after all.
We're constantly out of breath, forgetting what it's like to breathe,
altogether.

I've read many articles about the twenty-something's - how to succeed and how to fail, how to be and how to feel and how to speak
and to see
and hear
and
change
and
mo
ve
a
nd
o
hm
y

...While I'm still figuring out how to breathe.

Truthfully, I don't think it is Time we're running against.
I don't think Time is to blame at all.
We're fighting Pressure.
The pressure to do better
because what is isn't enough,
to prove worthy
of being acknowledged and approved,
and the pressure to understand and know and have it all together because what is an adult
without a plan and a career?

Today, I'm twenty-three.

(So)
Now what? 

Well.

I'm learning to walk alongside Time, and to listen and be still. I'm learning to be okay when things end and all I can do is let go. I'm learning to take risks, because I know that that's okay, too. I'm learning to take deep breaths and make them count. And when I fail, I try again. I'm learning to be alone, so I know who I'm becoming. I'm learning that it's always been 'who to be' over 'what to do', and that makes things feel a little lighter. I'm learning to honor and to hope and to trust. I'm learning to be patient, and wait for you. I'm learning to create and reflect the simple parts of You.
I know what I see ahead, and I know that it is (very) good. My heart jumps at every thought.

But I also know that right now - this very breath that I am taking - is just as good.

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