Wednesday, February 23, 2011

heavy, and light.

it seems that every time i write here,
i feel a sense of purpose for my thoughts.

like there is a place and reason for what i think each day,
and i like that.

i like that what can't be seen still has a home.

i often wish i could show you my heart, looking exactly the way it should.
without words.

because words don't always truly describe everything a heart feels or what eyes see.

what my heart has felt the past weeks has been heavy - and light.
it has been fully alive days, and quite dead other times.
it has been smiling, and crying all at the same time.
it has been speaking, and sometimes i find it quiet.

i'm glad to say that my heart has life.
and i am sure many would be desperate for a heart full of it.

on a side note, let yourself feel, as it is what brings your heart to life.

the world is falling apart (but when is it not?), and i find myself overwhelmed.
but i am not to fear. you are not to fear.

"take heart! for i have overcome the world." - Jesus.

we're taken care of, if you choose to believe it.
i know it.

and because of it, my heart is at peace.
because of Him.

you know, i wish i could show you Him.
He's quite the most beautiful.

but that wouldn't be the same
as you showing me Him - the way you see Him.

i often see Him as a lion.
he just sits beside me,
and we smile.

and those become the best moments of the day.

and he tells me i'm worth it.
and he tells me he's proud.

that's my Jesus.
one who loves.

and when i see the world around me,
all i want to do is show it Love -
Him, Love.

i believe it's simply what we were made for.
for Love.
to love.

so, even if i find myself at university,
working a job,
hanging out with friends,
talking with my dad...

...i am to love.
and that is my purpose.

not graphic design, not changing the world, not writing,
but to love.

and whatever that may look like this year,
i will go after it.

i know there is much in store for 2011.
and for you too.

don't give up on the pursuit,
you will not be disappointed.

that is all for tonight,
good night friends.

- melody

ps. i will write soon about my beautiful conversations with my beautiful friends. they're worth being written about.

Friday, February 4, 2011

hello, 2011.

my fellow readers,
i apologize for making this so delayed.
i would like to have good reasons,
but they would only be excuses.

alas, here i am.
it is a new year. 2011.
and too many things can already be said about it.

but i will try to mention the ones that matter.

just the way the year began amazes me. it was good.
more than good, actually.

secondly, the opportunities for music making are becoming more and more exciting.
stay tuned for what is to come.

i believe this year is a year for new things.
it is a time for the old to pass, and for the new to arise.
a time for fresh dreams
to come to life.

but also, this year will be challenging.
at least for the heart.
as it already has shown to be.

my heart feels heavy and sad, tonight.
there is so much that i am feeling,
and i find myself not knowing what to do with it all.

i know i must face what is inside,
but i'm afraid.
i'm afraid that it will be too much.

there is so much longing,
disappointments, fears, and questions.

i constantly find myself afraid to lose
the ones i pour my heart into.

only because it has happened before.

and i know these expectations are false beliefs,
but i just can't help them sometimes.

i have allowed my heart to partner itself with another,
in the past,
and it left me broken.

i fight these thoughts,
telling me it will happen again.

and it is hard.

but the truth remains.
love always perseveres, love is always hopeful, love never fails.

i know that i am worthy of holding onto.

so, this year, i focus on being taught what Love is all over again,
by Love Himself.

love from scratch.

i want to know it right,
so i can know how to love you,

much is ahead.

- melody.