Wednesday, December 22, 2010

perfect.

what would you say if the entire world was staring into your eyes,
waiting.


i've been waiting to write these words - perhaps a little too long.

i find it difficult to blog. like painting. there's always a perfect picture in the mind, but the result on canvas is not always the way i intend it - and it loses its "perfect" touch.

Hm.

of course.

this is my problem.

i wait for that moment when the words will be perfectly written, when the picture will be perfectly painted, and i wait, and nothing is done. because perfect never comes.

the world seems to call this 'procrastination'.
when we wait, and wait, and wait for the "perfect" timing to do something...
...but it never comes.

never comes...

i guess i want to portray my heart in the most real and honest way possible,
and i'm afraid to be unsuccessful in doing so.

but i hope you enjoy these words.
it's the best i can do.

christmas is 3 days away.
8 days away from the last day of 2010.

i want to look back, but get so overwhelmed when i do so.
there is so much to look at. so much to admire.
so many shifts, so many changes.
the heart has gone through so many questions and answers this year.

i remember the beginning of the year, and where i stood, what was comfort, what felt home.
i remember the prayers, the thoughts, and the wishes.
i remember the tears over what i thought to be true, and over Truth.
i remember the loves, and the self-doubts.
i remember the fears, and the broken hearts.

i remember the joys, and the amazements.
i remember the impossible becoming possible.
and how in love with God that made me.
i remember stepping into the first few doors of what will be my destiny.
and how incredible that felt.

i remember 2010. i felt apart a lot. but it's what opened up my heart,
and it's what allowed Love in.

i can only change if the old dies.
it's been a year of that.

death.

and life.

so, i look back, and am satisfied.
more than satisfied.

a few years from now, i will look back again,
and say: 2010, you've been good.
you were needed.
you were important.
you were the beginning of what is now.
you were, and i am glad.

out of pain - out of all the tears and so-called-misery - comes a song.
comes words that will impact a heart. and that heart will impact another.
and slowly, every earthly heart will have met.
and they will be impacted.

because of pain.
because one cried, and wrote.

if i were to tell something to the world, i would give them my heart.
in words.
to be real and honest is okay,
i would tell them to be in pain is okay,
because it is what leads to the desire of hope -
a hope greater than the stars.

and hope is the very reason we Love.
because we put our full faith in what is unseen,
and believe and know it is true.

so, my friends, as 2010 comes to a close, i tell you this:

be real.
don't be afraid.
be honest, and see.
look for Love, beyond what is seen.

look for it in the homeless, look for it in the messy and uncomfortable,
look for it.

and you will find it.
be amazed.
because it will change your life.

the way it has mine.

goodnight,
and we will meet again on christmas.

- melody.

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