Friday, October 15, 2010

go do.

time is most definitely flying.

i come to these places with myself at times, where everything within me is raging against the other piece of me (which i am trying my best to decrease).

and i feel frustration.
anger, too.

you know when there is a lion inside of you - or perhaps a river - and it's meant to come out, but you keep it within.
and you think you are doing what is right by keeping it inside, when truly all it wants to do is gush out!

i have been doing that. keeping the treasures of my heart locked in. keeping the desires inside, and preventing them to come out.
i feel like the creativity inside is dying to become alive (how ironic).
i feel like the words inside are craving for a home.
i feel like the dreams within are moments away from reality, but can't seem trust they are.

it's a constant fight.
and sometimes, we get too caught up with wanting to win, that we forget to just be.
we forget to live.

and this is what always gets me.
maybe the whole reason one side of me is fighting with the other is to keep me from living...

often, it wins.
ironic, right?
i'm so consumed by winning, that in the process, i lose.

oh, sneaky one.

i come to realize that no matter the fight inside, i need to keep running. i need to keep breathing. and i need to keep living.
i need to do the things i love, dream and do, document everything, be in the moment.
and no matter the pain, there is joy nonetheless.

there is joy,

note to self: do not stop dreaming. dream, and go do.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

just for now.

oh how wonderful it feels to be back here in words.

there is so much to say, and yet i don't really know where to start.
i've started school at ocad university, and it's been a delight - truly.
i love the classes, the people, and just the environment.
it's quite the workload, thus why these blog posts have been in lack.

despite school, life is interesting - well more like exciting.

i am reminded over and over again to work on my own music.
i really should.
and i will.

God's just been blowing me away with the responses and connections he link me to.
now, i just need to receive and run for it.

i can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be known.
i mean, that's just crazy.

and yet, i have that potential.
it's just a matter of spitting it out.

i also feel that i'm slowly walking into a completely new place in life.
i don't know if my heart is ready for what is ahead...but i truly desire this.
i want this.
i want this so much.
desiring to belong to someone can be such a scary thought.
i don't know what to expect, and i find that i haven't found myself in fear yet (a good thing, yes!) but it's difficult.
oh, so difficult.

i kind of wished this were different.
just a little though.

...God, i am so trusting You on this one.
most definitely not something i want to tackle on my own.

...anyways, my fellow friends, the bed is calling my name.
i am hoping to write more.
perhaps with a little more excitement next time.

have a good night.

- melody.