Wednesday, August 18, 2010

where do i go when there's no where else to go?

i find so much peace in writing here. looking back on the first posts, i realize so much.
i see such change. such maturity. and i cannot help but joyfully await what is to come.

i feel as though writing these posts are a way to tell myself i will be okay.
as if God was speaking through these very words, along my side.
as if this were the very home of my thoughts; i could lose everything, but my words will remain.
and so will He.
and that is a comfort to me.

the past week has been a week of surfacing and dealing with.
of wounds and healing. of unclean and clean.
a week of the heart. unhealthy turning healthy.
a week of understanding.

i enjoy these heart clean-ups. as messy as they get, the outcome is worth every tear.

i ponder over time. over age and life. over prodical sons - and daughters.
i'm afraid of time. i'm afraid that time will fly by and i will have stood here, watching it go by.
i'm afraid my dreams will not have been pursued by next year.
that i will be in the same place as i am today. and my desires will remain thoughts.
but somehow, i am reminded that there is light on the path.
i would say 'at the end of the tunnel', but there is no end to this journey.
and light is always around. not only at the end, but within as well.

prodical sons, i've been thinking about you.
the Father will celebrate over his Son. over his Daughter.
no matter how far away they have gone. no matter how deep.
no matter the mistakes, the wounds, the hurt. no matter the lies. no matter the mess.
the Father will stand, looking you in the eyes. with tears. and you - you will stand too. with tears.
with burdens. with scars. and shame.
but the Father will only; his Son - his Daughter. a beauty beyond compare; golden.
a precious heart with priceless value. and worth the wait.
he will see in you his very own. and he will call you once again "my Beloved".
and he will drop everything and run to you, wrapping his arms around you.
crying out to you, "Son, welcome home."
"Daughter, welcome home, once again." is this that brings me speechless.
such love. such grace. such longing.

i think of the people in my life i desire for this to happen.
for their welcome homes.
for their encounter with Love. for their encounter with Him.

i also think of my own heart. of my desire for that "airport scene" with my future love.
yes, it's been one of those cheesy desires since young. but i realize why so many of us are in longing of such love. simply, we reflect His heart. His desires.
yes, the God who breathes stars, who brings life. the God who designs trees and clouds.
that same God wants an airport scene with us. with us.

...and still, He awaits...He awaits.

so where do i go when there's no where else to go?
i go to Him.
...i go home.


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