Tuesday, September 9, 2008

God will lift up your head.

God, i need you. i need you so bad. i need you right now. i need you in the next minutes to come. i need you in the following hours. i need you here, in my life.
and how incredible are you. you are here. with me, inside of me, and everywhere that i am. every second of life. you are here. with me. you. the almighty God. creator of the universe. saviour of the world. with. me. a human being worth nothing. still, you choose to be with...me. you chose me. wow...you're just so beautiful. everything about you is not only made of love, but your self is love. pure love. and this is why, God, i say 'i love you more than i can say.'
but these words won't be enough. no matter how hard i try, i will never be able to express the amount of love i have for you. Dad, i don't have a fancy prayer for you, but this is all i have to give. it's me. it's my heart. i give you my heart. and i want you to open it up, and see what's inside. right now, all i want to do is cry out to you. share with you the inside of my mind, my thoughts, my heart and how it aches, my tears. but you know all that. you know my pains. you know my fears, my joys, my dreams and passions. you created them in me. so that one day, i could take all of that 'stuff' and give it up to you. that's when you'd change me and show me your way. and that's when my life would be completely yours. everything you'd tell me, you'd promise me, i would trust you. no matter how hard or painful it may be. i'd do it with all my heart.

and that one day is today.
i want to give my fears up to you. the fears of not being loved, the fear of failing, the fear of loneliness. it's all being thrown to you, Lord. and i hope you are pleased. i really hope this makes you smile, Dad. because my heart is giving it all up to you with joy. i'm trading my sorrows, and saying 'Yes, Lord.'
i want to give you my hopes and dreams. the plans i made for my future. they were never mine, so take them, as well. they belong to you. and man will they be a million times better with you leading! every worry i have for the end of 12th grade, take that! make it yours, God, and lead me with your hopes and dreams for my life. lead me.

and i want to give you my heart. in its current form. with my love for those around me and my pains wrapped around it. inside are my wounds. those wounds i try to keep secret. you'll also find crushes, that i gave up a long time ago. and the one love i have today for the one you've shown me. along with it, is my trust. my trust in you. inside my heart, are the ropes i use to hold on to you. and i want you to take them, as well.
i don't want to hold on to ropes anymore. i want to hold on to your hand.
i want your hand, dad.

this is an important time for me. and my friends. a time when the ground will shake. a time when eyes will open wide. a time when the demons of hell will hear voices, but won't understand them. a time when the chihuahua will be done chasing the lion. a time for the lion to be bold and gain victory. a time when the army of Jesus will rise up and fight against the power of darkness. a time when the light will come out.
this is the time. and we have to be ready.
but am i ready for this? am i ready to give it all up to be with you eternally, to see redemption stand up higher and higher, to heal the sick and broken?

only you know, dad.
it's happening in my life. so, i take this as the sign that i am slowly ready.

and everything else on my mind, Lord, ease it, comfort me, bring peace to my heart and mind, and remind me that everything will be okay.
even the promises i am waiting for you to accomplish in my life. i will wait. i will wait. and i will wait even longer. because i know that your plan for my life (and yours!) is perfect. even its timing.
please, dad, keep reminding me that you are in control, so that i don't lose hope.
hold my hand tight.
hold it tight.


for eternity.
in your son's name, amen.

- melody.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love this sooo much!

And i am so thankful you are my best freind for life!

You have amazing talent keep writing!