Saturday, August 2, 2008

Hey, baptize my mind!

Oh, God. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhalalala, what a week.
i don't really know what to think of it, actually.

most of what moved it and made it interesting were my thoughts and the thoughts of others.
i spent a lot of time thinking, and a lot of time running to God. yeah, running.

i can say this week, my mind has been going in all different directions. it's been a race, trying to run to the finish line first, but finding myself only to stumble and fall, alone.

we try so many times to be first. we don't want to fail and lose. it's society.
we aim for perfection, but really...what is perfect? last time i checked, only God is purely perfect.

there's nothing wrong in aiming to be like God, or more of the human form of God, who happens to be a man named Jesus. but there is something wrong in our society today: we aim, pretending we succeed. we pretend sometimes that "Why, yes. I am perfect, thanks for asking".
i get caught up with this fake feeling sometimes. i don't want to fail. i don't want to be dissapointed in myself. i'm afraid of disappointment. failure makes me feel worthless.
so, i pretend i got it all under control. i pretend that i am an example of perfection.
but i don't try to prove that to God, no no, i pretend i am society's example. and that's where i am wrong.

i couldn't be any more wrong!

we don't live for society. i don't live for society. i don't need to prove myself to society, or anyone for that matter. i want to live for God, completely.
completely...meaning i don't live for anyone else.

Dear Society, World, People, Whoever,
sorry, but i don't care if i please you or not, i know that as long as i please God, i have nothing to worry about.

so, why aim for perfection? when in God's eyes, you are perfect just the way you are. he made you that way, because he wants you that way. because the way you are, it's beautiful.
your stains and imperfections are washed away. and you are no longer guilty.
ask for forgiveness, and you will be clean again.
ha! funny how i write "you" when really i should be writing "i".
i need to be reminded that i am God's and he is mine. the world doesn't define me.
and yes, i let God down too many times. i fail him. i'm way too far from perfect.
but in his eyes, i'm just who i need to be. His.

so what if i fail? we will fail all the time. we will fall. we will make mistakes. we will feel guilty
and beat ourselves down. being broken is the only way to be put back together. it's the only way to heal.

i had to remind myself last night, that i am loved.
no matter what you do, no matter how many times you fail, fall, mess up, God will still love you 100 percent. his love never changes. no matter what you do.
and don't be afraid to make mistakes (you will make plenty of those), because it's the only way that you can change your ways. show your scars, your wounds, and your failures, so that you can show the world how God heals them, repairs them, makes you a brand new person.

isn't that just so amazing? God is the only who will pick you back up and tell you that you are still perfect in his eyes.
i love Him, so much.
he loves me, even if i fail. even if i let him down. even if i mess up miserably. even if sometimes i'm ashamed to say his name. even if i forget to include him in my life. even if i dissapoint him.
even if, he loves me, he loves me, and he loves me.
even if, he loves you still, he loves you still, he loves you still...

there is so much to be written still, but i think this is a good place to write that...God...i'm sorry.
i'm sorry i dissapoint you, but please make me strong, help me get up again, and please please please help me to love the people around me like you love them.

"Two things you told me: You are strong, and You love me." - Jon Foreman "Your love is strong"

Kingdom Bound 2008, sunday through thursday. so i'll be back with some new ideas and thoughts to write about : )
friday and saturday, august 8-9: the shooting of the Intro Video, "revival week: come alive."
and one last thing, note to self: i miss you, a lot.

- melody :)

1 comment:

jaxson said...

baptize my mind!